Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Quickie

This has to be quick, as I am so exhausted after the first day of school. Let's see, what is interesting that I can share with you. I'm tired, did I mention that? I'm gassy. I'm sort of crummy feeling/nauseous all day long. And I'm tired...My boobs don't hurt, my sense of smell seems relatively unaffected by this pregnancy. I'm tired.

I'm convinced that I'm no longer pregnant. I had a dream the other night that I went to the bathroom, wiped, and immediately saw toiletpaper full of bright red blood. I was convinced the next morning that this baby was dead too. Is this going to go on the rest of this pregnancy? No blood or anything to convince me otherwise. What happened to the girl who was so optimistic a few days ago? I guess I have kicked her to the curb for now. I'm just convinced that something is going to go wrong. I hate this and I'm not sure this pg thing is going to be so easy.

Okay, I need to go home and take a nap. I'm tired.

8 comments:

Roxanne said...

One day at a time...yeah...I LOVE that I'm dishing out advice. I'm not going to do it. Seriously, I hope that everything is okay and you know it's normal to be scared after what you've been through.

Susie said...

Wait, you're tired, gassy, and feeling nauseous? You sound pregnant to me.

(This is the kind of thing my husband says to me ALL THE TIME, well, whenever I tell him about how I "don't feel pregnant.)

Hang in there, Holly. It did get easier for me as the weeks went by, and I hope it will for you, too. And if you're really stressed and nervous, call your doctor's office and demand an ultrasound. ;-)

Big hugs!

Jillian said...

Holly, the tiredness is a great sign:)

I'm not one to tell you to go all Pollyanna though - you read my blog, you know how I went in to my last pregnancy so it would be stupid for me to suggest you should try not to be nervous. You're just gonna be. But the dream was just a dream and you will have your fears put to rest the second that u/s wand makes contact:) So says Madame Zelda with the third eye...

Hope you feel better, though not too good;)

Kathy McC said...

You're going to have days like this. One day you're feeling all optimistic and, "Oh, everything is going so well", and then the next day, it feels like doomsday. The good news is that the doomsday feelings don't necessarily mean something is wrong. I've had a BUNCH of those days with this one, and knock on wood, so far so good. But I don't blame you a bit for being scared.

Muddystingbee said...

Not that I've been there yet, but what you're going through sounds so normal. Even when I'm just THINKING about being pregnant again I vacillate between optimism and the certainty that our next baby won't make it either. Hang in there. (And I hope the first day of school went well!)

snarflemarfle said...

I can totally relate to the feelings of impending doom. With my last pregnancy, I kept having this feeling that I didn't even feel pregnant anymore. And, well, I wasn't really.

It's hard to stay positive, but it's better for the both of you if you do!

Hugs to you!

laura said...

i agree that tired, nauseated and gassiferous sounds like pg to me. those things didn't kick in for me until a couple of days ago, and i think we're at about the same point. just trying to offer some hope. :)

i have regular miscarriage and deadbaby dreams, too. it just sucks. do you have an u/s scheduled?

Kate said...

I had that sense of impending dread and doom and dead baby thoughts until I got a doppler from BabyBeat.com around 10-11 weeks. I took that sucker with me EVERYWHERE. It was the best $24 a month I've ever spent. I kept it until 24 weeks when I was feeling him move regularly (and that's when I went into the hospital. LOL.)

But... like the others said... the exhaustion, gas, etc. are all good signs. If you're really worried, head to your doctors office and ask for a quick u/s. I'm sure they'd be willing, considering what you've been through.)