Forgot to mention

that I just ate a double decker taco from Taco Bell. I can't believe the crap I am willing to eat while pregnant. I'm just so dang hungry all the time. Also, I didn't mean to unload about taking belly pics. I'm glad that people are happy and optimistic, I was just tired last time I wrote. And I haven't taken any belly pics. Although I must admit that the area of my uterus has gotten much more firm the past few days. Maybe that's a sign of future things to come...

And I thought I had grown more popular...

only to be dissapointed by the spammers. I mean seriously, do they really need to start on blogs now? This is so frustrating. Laura - can you let me know how to set up the screeny thingy? I'm computer illiterate when it comes to that stuff. I can't believe they got me...I think they have gotten frustrated with your all's sites and decided to check mine out. Damn!!

The appointment went fine...sort of pointless. I mean, I had just been there three weeks ago for my yearly pap. So, they didn't need to do a pelvic or breast exam. Mostly, they just took my blood and talked to me. They did rest my mind about some stuff...my doc seems very optimistic that this baby should not suffer from ABS. That is not to say that something else might not happen to it. But he did ease my anxiety some. My first US is tomorrow...I have to drive an hour back over the mountain. Ugh. I hope it's worth it. Of course, Bryan has to work and can't get out of it. I'll be flying solo tomorrow - maybe I'll see if my mom wants to go with me. He did say that they would do more US screens and would encourage the neuchal fold test (sp?). What happened with Isaac wasn't chromosomal, but just to be on the safe side. He also said they would likely induce me according to our schedule so that we don't have to drive through the mountains of virginia in the middle of the night come April. All made me feel better. Now for tomorrow!

Okay, again, the computer time is limited and I"m tired. Will check in on Friday. Wish me luck!

Fat Nasty

This is me...at least that's how I feel. Of course, I'm not THAT much fatter than I was three weeks ago before we found out our news. But I feel so bloated all day, every day. I feel like I've gained a ton of weight because my belly looks and feels so round. Of course I'm not stupid enough to think this is actually the baby - have you seen those people on FF? I can't believe people are already posting belly pics....they're six weeks for God's sake. But the bloat is going to get me in the end. I just wish that I could let a big old toot and feel so much better. I feel so unattractive and well, nasty. I hate it. Not that I'm complaining because I'll take all the symptoms with a healthy pregnancy. Sometimes it's just hard to keep on truckin' and not feel like doo.

I'm getting ancy to tell people our news. I know we'll wait a long time more before telling. But I'm excited and I think it will all feel more "real" if we told people.

My first doc appointment is tomorrow. I'm not sure that they'll do an US. I'm going to beg for one, of course. But I know that I am also having one at 12 weeks, so they may skip the 6 week US??? Ugh...this high risk thing is all new to me.

Okay, I'm exhausted. I need to go for now.

Quickie

This has to be quick, as I am so exhausted after the first day of school. Let's see, what is interesting that I can share with you. I'm tired, did I mention that? I'm gassy. I'm sort of crummy feeling/nauseous all day long. And I'm tired...My boobs don't hurt, my sense of smell seems relatively unaffected by this pregnancy. I'm tired.

I'm convinced that I'm no longer pregnant. I had a dream the other night that I went to the bathroom, wiped, and immediately saw toiletpaper full of bright red blood. I was convinced the next morning that this baby was dead too. Is this going to go on the rest of this pregnancy? No blood or anything to convince me otherwise. What happened to the girl who was so optimistic a few days ago? I guess I have kicked her to the curb for now. I'm just convinced that something is going to go wrong. I hate this and I'm not sure this pg thing is going to be so easy.

Okay, I need to go home and take a nap. I'm tired.

I can't even post right now because I'm so dang tired. Today was the first full teacher workday....in which I proceeded to get so nauseated during planning at 10am that I had to excuse myself to go get a granola bar. Did I mention that I also yawned about 153 times during that planning meeting? Nice. It was my first full day, so I told my supervising teacher the news. Not something that I planned to share so soon, but I don't want her to think that I'm rude and so bored that I can't stay awake. We'll see where that goes.

Okay, I need to go lay down.

"It" has hit me...

62. I am a personal trainer
63. I hate snowball fights
64. I have been scuba diving, rock climbing, parasailing, bungee jumping, and sky diving.
65. I am now afraid to ride roller coasters...what happened to me?
66. My favorite foods are probably pizza and icecream.
67. I don't think I have a favorite color. It used to be green, but now I love all color.
68. I am hypothyroid.

Of course I thought of these after I posted yesterday.

Today was my first day at school. I love my supervising teacher. She has been teaching for 40 years. I have so much to learn from her...she's so good that the local coffee shop has a blend named after her. Imagine! I will go back on friday for my first "official" day. That will be a whole day affair. Of course, next week we are back at it again. The students report next Wednesday! I really can't wait, this is something that we have been planning for so long.

Honestly, we have completely changed the face of my life...all for the life growing inside of me. Actually, we changed it all for Isaac. But now I have been forced to change my focus to this little one inside. Not that I have forgotten Isaac, if anything pregnancy has made me reflect more on his brief life inside my body. I can't stop thinking of him and how things were last time. But I have been way more calm than I would have thought. I guess that I'm subscribing to the thought that if something is wrong right now, I can't change it. I am being the best mom that I can be in trying to exercise, eat well, get lots of sleep, etc. I just have to trust in that. It's not that I'm not worrying at all or that nothing at all might happen. Just that I realize that I am not the one in control. That's been sort of good for me. God has a plan, I and the baby inside of me are just a small part of that. I'm at peace with that. I also feel at peace with the place where we are right now....the next chapter. I am ready for this next child. So is Bryan. He kisses my belly each morning before he leaves and each day when he returns from work. I love it. I think he definately feels more of a connection to this baby, earlier than he did with Isaac. He thinks it's going to be a girl. Either way, he is so excited. I love this part...

As for how I'm feeling...pretty good. I've been very gassy and extremely tired. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through full days of school next week. I was only there for about three hours yesterday and I took a 1 1/2 hour nap when I got home! And of course I'm starving. I actually cut my workout short today because I need to get some food in my belly ASAP. Starting to feel nauseous. It seems like whatever I eat, I am filled up like a hot air balloon with gas. Pleasant thought, I know. That's me in a nutshell, pretty classic pg symptoms, I guess. That's good, keep 'em coming!

The Truth Hurts

This is my 100th post. It's amazing, I'm proud of myself. You should be proud of me too. Think of how far I've come, right here on this little blog. In honor of this milestone, I've made a list of the 61 (I tried for 100, but couldn't think of that many) most fascinating things about me. Here goes....

61. I love the sunshine - I know it's bad for you. But the lifeguard in me doesn't care.
60. When I was little, I thought I would swim in the Seoul Olympics in 1988.
59. I love anything chocolate.
58. I wish there was one thing in life that I was amazing at.
57. I have been to a Whitney Houston concert.
56. I'm addicted to fertilityfriend.
55. My step-mom once kidnapped me - my mom had no idea where I was when she went to pick me up from school.
54. I read the last page of a book before I'm finished.
53. I knit.
52. I used to be in the Mr. T fanclub.
51. I am now pro-choice.
50. I have terrible balance
49. When I was little, I called boy's privates winkys.
48. I called girls privates purpers.
47. I hate it when people wear socks with sandles.
46. I love cheesy movies - Shag, Grease, Little Mermaid, Wizard of Oz.
45. I was date raped in college.
44. I wish I was eight again.
43. I go to bed at 10pm sharp, every night (even most weekends).
42. I hate to be cold more than anything in life.
41. I cus like a sailor.
40. I used to call my baby blanket my kiki.
39. I love all living things, even earth worms and spiders.
38. I've never been to jail.
37. My step-brother used to spy on me while I was in the bath with a mirror under the door.
36. My mom is my hero.
35. I don't love oral sex.
34. I like the Indianapolis Colts for no other reason than that they are from Indy.
33. I ran a triathlon. I will run another.
32. I'm astranged from my real father.
31. I think that everything happens for a reason.
30. I'm bad at snow skiing.
29. I hardly ever use butter or salt.
28. I love salsa and Mexican food - we eat it about 2-3 times per week.
27. If I were to be stranded on a deserted island with only one CD, I would take Journey's Greatest Hits.
26. I pick my face.
25. Rum is my favorite liquor.
24. I love sushi.
23. I once cheated on a test in college.
22. I've met Charles Barkley and Rick Mahorn.
21. Strange I know, but I can lick my own nipple.
20. There is nothing like Mexico for a fun-drinks vacation.
19. I used to shoplift (nothing major) - I was in junior high.
18. I'm afraid of death.
17. I'm very right hand dominant.
16. I can't tell east from west.
15. I love the Pat McGee Band.
14. I smoked a lot of pot in college...never anything else.
13. I once raised fruit flies for an experiment.
12. I love to take hot baths - while reading and drinking wine.
11. I lost my virginity at 18.
10. I had two serious boyfriends before my husband. They both cheated on me.
9. I have never cheated on my love.
8. I've made out with my best friend (she's a girl).
7. My dad was an alcoholic.
6. Men's lacrosse is my favorite spectator sport, Women's Volleyball is a close second.
5. I had severe mono in high school and almost didn't graduate.
4. I dissected a pigeon in my bathroom while I had mono, so that I could pass.
3. I have gained and lost and gained the same 20 pounds in the last year and a half.
2. I think my husband has a hot body.
1. My favorite song of all time is Jack and Diane by Johnny Cougar.

A very clear, thin, pink second line...

was on the pregnancy test this morning. It's official, I'm pregnant. It feels weird to say it outloud...actually I haven't said it outloud yet. Just writing it seems weird. We aren't telling anyone, but Bryan and I couldn't be happier. I am so excited, I'm giddy.

Okay, I need to get off the computer for now. We definately need to get a laptop at home, I've been sneaking around people's cubicles who aren't here (at my old work) or trying to get on Bryan's while he is not in the office. It's getting old. My posts are short and choppy and I just don't appreciate that!

But all is well in the world, bloggers in my world have gotten some great news of late! Congrats to Laura, Sara, and Amanda...and of course me. This is truly amazing!

Update

Still no AF...pg test was faintly positive this morning. Planning to take another tomorrow morning. Going to call for another beta tomorrow...it's such a pain in the ass to call the OB. Still feeling a little nauseous, crampy, and boobs hurt. That's it for now.

_______________________________

So we went to a wedding this weekend. I was the DD, but it was a great time. I should say that because I was the DD, everyone else had an even better time. DH managed to get completely obliterated, which was both fun and a pain in the ass. But DH did reveal many feelings that he has been having about the "next" baby. I should say that he adorable because he is so excited. I just hope this sticks. He wanted desperately in his state on Saturday to just tell someone, anyone, that we might be pg. But we plan to wait. He did say that he was sad that we didn't just have Isaac and that he hoped the next one would be a boy. I just want healthy...but understand his desire for a boy.

Alright, I'm out. I need to get my own computer.

I have a secret...

Have you ever heard of "a little pregnant"? That's what the tech said...HCG of 4 at 8 DPO (although I think FF is wrong, I had a temp jump after I drank one night and FF called it O. I think I'm actually 6 DPO). I'm freaking out. I think I'll wait to celebrate until after I'm late. Just wanted to share. I'm doing a happy dance inside, though!

I heart my (new) OB

The appt. went very well. She's checking my progesterone level via 21 day progesterone level check. We'll see from there about how it looks. She also ordered a blood pg test because I've been very tired and sort of nauseous the past two days. Anyway, the entire experience was very good. All the nurses were nice, loved the OB. All is great in the world. The only bad part is that I saw the doc who delivered Isaac, I don't love her. She sucked, as a matter of fact. I didn't have to talk to her though. I'm going to have to try to remember her name, as to avoid getting her in the future. Oh and I bought a bunch of fun, new "school clothes" at Old Navy. Definately didn't have the $$ for that, but I need nes dress clothes. So good things today!

OMG...I think I have a stalker

Seriously. Last night at about 1:45am my phone rang. Caller ID said Private Number, but anytime that anyone calls in the middle of the night I'm always worried that it's something important and that something is wrong. So, I pick up the phone. A man slurs my name, I say "excuse me?" The man slurs my name again. I say "Yes?" The man slurs and says, "I just wanted to tell you, every time I see you you give me the biggest hard-on." Mind you he's slurring, so I say, "excuse me"? Man repeats himself (slurring, although a little more clear this time). Freaked out, I say "Are you freaking kidding me?" and hang up. the man calls right back. I should interject here that my car was the only one in the driveway - we left DH's in town last night to save gas. I think he thought I was home alone - why else would he call back? Anyway, second time I let DH answer and they eventually hung up. I am freaked out. The scary thing is that I am home alone a lot. What if he gets me? Weird.

I have a long post planned for later on that tells all about my day at my friend's house. Very interesting. My baggage continues to follow me...keep posted.

Dividing Lines

So I've been watching a lot of baby story and birth day at home...now that I'm unemployed apparently I have turned into a couch potato. I personally see it as progress that I can watch these shows. I couldn't watch them for the longest time. But yesterday, I was watching and this woman's story really got to me. I was crying out of nowhere. I guess it was just her emotion at being a mother, something that I have felt in a strange fashion. But it really hit a cord...most of the time it doesn't. Anyway, on another episode, this woman was birthing at a birthing center, rather than a hospital. They were interviewing the director of the birthing center and she kept saying that "Birthing centers are for normal women and normal births". Basically that anyone who has high risk or abnormal history shouldn't birth in a birthing center. Which I knew. But it started me thinking about what that means exactly. It means that we are abnormal. I don't have the option to go try the bradley method at some naturalistic place. Nope, it's me and the high risk docs...having a ball with monitors and such in the hospital...that has a NICU (just in case). It sort of sucks. Not to mention that I've realized that I am the friend with baggage. Any friends that I have currently have had to deal with me and my moods and this whole progression of emotion and grief. That's a lot to ask of a friend. I'm thankful for the ones who have stuck with me. But I wonder if they look on me as the one with baggage? Will I carry the same baggage to any new friendships that I make? Probably. I'm a changed person...my son is part of who I am now. Take it or leave it, I guess.
____________________________________________

On a different note, I've been keeping very busy. I'm driving myself crazy at the lack of access to a computer now that I have quit my job. It's very frustrating to try to work myself into my husband's office to sneak on the computer when he's working out. I have no real control here. We desperately need a computer at home, but of course given the fact that I'm not working we can't afford it. I'm nearly finished with my coursework for student teaching. I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my back and I want to throw a party. (note: see previous comment about having no cash).
I do have some fun events planned for the next few days to keep me busy during the 2WW:

Wednesday - visit to friends house to lay out and play with the dogs while the boys play golf. We will then go out to dinner. It would be way more fun if I could have a cocktail while laying out.
Thursday - Have to go to UVA for OB appointment. Anxiously awaiting this to see what I can swindle her into doing for me.
Friday - Mom coming to visit for lunch and hanging out. Maybe we'll go to the pool if it's hot.
Saturday - friend's wedding (lots of other friends are invited...should be fun!)
Sunday - Concert with one of my favorite live bands Eddie From Ohio.
Monday - FIL comes for a visit the entire week. Probably entails lots of golf and eating out.

Now that you have a rundown of my boring life and an idea of just how lame I am, I need to get off here. I need to get a little work done. I'm sad that summer is ending, it seems like it has whizzed by. It's been a good summer, though. Lots of QT with DH, which has been good for us. Okay, must run.

Glory Days

I'm not sure what it is, but I'm pretty optimistic right now. I feel like this might be our month. Don't ask me why, we didn't do anything different. But I feel good right now, I'm going to gloat in it for a bit.

Tino (the cat) is out of the hospital. I should have been a vet, I would be making a whole lot more money. We pay a ton for the healthcare of our animals. But he's all better, severe bladder infection. Poor little guy was peeing blood this weekend. I feel bad for him.

Unemployment is pretty boring. I'm trying to hurry up to get all of my school work done before Friday when it's due. Of course, blogging isn't helping that. But it is warming up my mind to lots of typing...

Okay, I need to get busy.