Old Friends

I have been missing the past few days, my friend is in town. I must say it is so nice to have her company. We have been friends for over 15 years. There is nothing like a friend who you have history with and doesn't mind your baggage. This is the first time we have REALLY talked about Isaac and his delivery. It was good to share it with someone who would not be judgemental. On the other hand, sort of sad to go back down that path. I made it through without crying, which is pretty good. I have been sad the past few days, for whatever reason. I'm not sure what it is...probably hormones. I'm pretty bummed that I wasn't successful in the pg department and have therefore been throwing a pity party for myself. That in combination with the fact that my friend's baby shower is this weekend. I went to Target to ger her cute stuff, but couldn't do it. I just got a gift card. I did walk down the baby aisles and thought of how sad it is that we won't be needing the stuff come June. Then I went to books-a-million to waste time while my friend's plane was late...I ended up in pregnancy aisle. I did find some good books that I would like to get next time around.

I have been thinking a lot about friends and how I categorize them. Losing Isaac has shed a lot of light on the depth of friendships that are in my life. Some people have surprised me at their level of giving and sincerity in our friendship as we lost Isaac. It's like I have friends at different levels. Of course closest are my DH, sister, and mom. But next there are my three closest friends - Dana, Dina, and Heather. They are the friends that I have a solid past with and never worry about what they will think. It's weird how you just connect with some people and not with others. But these three are always the first three that I think to call when I need something or have to report something. It doesn't matter where we live or what is going on in our lives, we are still just as close as ever. We can pick up a conversation or a visit without missing a beat. The next level of friends are also very close to me, that is I confide in them. But there is some sort of separation between the top level and everyone else. I would say that there are about 5-10 people who are in that level. These people have been amazing throughout this whole ordeal. Some I talk to more than others. Some live close to me, others live across the country. But they are great friends to have. After that, there isn't really much room in my heart for many others. Seriously, it's like I reach capacity and then no more. Of course, there are the people that read my blog and I read theirs. You all know my deepest, darkest thoughts....good or bad. It's funny that I am willing to share them with complete strangers, but not anyone else.

Sorry this post isn't that enthralling. I have a lot going on at work and am super tired. Just not that inspired the past few days.