This seems to be all my husband can think about....I could care less. I'm not sure what it is (probably the fact that we haven't done it in about a month). But even after I get the clearance from the doc, I guess that I just view it differently now. I don't have a problem that sex can lead to other babies (although I'm not quite there yet, either). But I feel disgusting right now and just not that sexual. He told me last night that his "biological clock" is ticking and he can't wait until we have another baby. I didn't even know that men heard their biological clocks. I am excited that he's excited for another one. But I'm afraid it's going to put a strain on our relationship. God guide me through this...
I had a great weekend with my mom and sister. It was nice to leave it all behind and go visit and spend money without concerns (okay, maybe I'm concerned about the checkbook). My mom gave me this book about miscarriages. It's a good book, if nothing else it validates the feelings that I'm having inside. But I have to say that I'm so glad that I didn't miscarry. So many women in this book have no closure because they never met their babies. They didn't know what happened to their babies and have so many unanswered questions. We got to meet our son and I'm just realizing how thankful I am for that. Not that I would choose to labor my child, but we were so torn with that decision (D&E vs. labor) and I think we made the right one.
There is a great section in the book about partners and friends of women who miscarry. It gave me some food for thought. I think that I have learned who are my true, real friends through this process. People have been great, so supportive. I appreciate that. I'm lucky, I guess.
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3 comments:
Speaking of people being supportive, thank you so much for your support on my blog. Let's face it, any outcome other than walking out of the hospital with your baby just sucks. Your comment meant a lot to me, especially after some horrible woman said something really nasty.
I saw your posting on Anne's site and just wanted to stopy by and offer you my condolences on the loss of your baby. You are your family are in my prayers.
Thank you all for coming to this site. I do think it's important to have a support network and to know that there are other people out there who are experiencing similar situations to yours. There are a ton of people here (where I live) who have said they experienced similar situations, but I never want to hear their stories. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe because I know them and it's too gory to get into the entire story with them (or to have them share their entire story with me). But for some reason, the anonymity of this outlet allows me to connect to people. At any rate, your kind thoughts and words are appreciated.
Sarah -I'm excited for you. How has this pregnancy gone? I'm sure it's always scary, after having lost one. I know that I'm scared to death to try again. So far, I'm feeling alright, physically. Just trying to sort through these emotions that I'm experiencing. Thanks for finding me.
Anne - As I said on your blog, this is the hardest decision that I have ever made. I never thought that my husband and I would have the conversations that we have had in the past few weeks. But we listened to our doctors, trusting that they knew what they were talkign about. We also asked about waiting a few weeks to see if things developed any better. They told us the same as you, the baby is not viable outside of the womb and that was not going to change. As hard as it was to accept, I now know that we made the right decision. I feel such peace with our decision and know that Isaac is up there in heaven with others that we have loved and lost. I know that others told you to wait and see what happened. Or that if you wait longer, the baby may live for an hour or two after delivery. But my vantage point was that if we were going to lose the baby, I needed to do that sooner rather than wait. To me, there is something morose about carrying and bonding with that baby inside that you know has no chance at a normal life. Not to mention that I couldn't handle my baby dying in my arms. Isaac was born still. We got time with him and I'm so happy for that. But we didn't have to experience his death outside of the womb. Does that make sense? I'm not sure if you have questions, but feel free to ask away. I know that I had a ton and found it helpful to talk to someone who had a similar experience. I do feel for you, it brings tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.
Julie - thank you for stopping by.
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