Sunday, July 03, 2005

Lookin' to smoke an O

Ovulation that is, not orgasm. Your minds are in the gutters! I have no clue what my body is doing. I had a nice temp spike yesterday, in conjunction with EWCM and cramps. I thought for sure it was O, only to have my temp level back out to where it was before. But now EWCM is all dried up and I'm just sure that I O'd yesterday. So frustrating...although the sex hasn't been too bad. I can't complain.

It's been a lazy weekend here, I'm enjoying our summer schedule. I'm officially unemployed now, which means that I am free to do as I please. I enjoy this freedom. Come August 18, I will begin student teaching. Probably by then, I will welcome the regular schedule. For today, DH and I went golfing, tomorrow we are taking the dog to the river. Can't wait. I love the water and I love the sun. I need to soak it all up now, fall will be here before I know it. I have the amazing ability to zone out and weeks go by at a time before I realize it. I have a few things planned to make the time go by faster, visits from my nephews and sisters, get togethers with friends, etc. Not that I need time to go faster, it's just that if I'm busy I think less about Isaac. Not that I want to think less about Isaac, I just feel like I should be doing other things by this point.

What Isaac sent to me today: a field full of weeds that were blooming pretty purple flowers. They were beautiful. Who knew weeds could be so pretty?

My best friend thinks she might be pregnant - she's only been off the pill for a month. Go figure. It may be a false alarm, when I talked to her on friday the pg test was negative. She would have been about 14DPO at the time. She's out of town and not close to a convenience store, I guess we'll know more tomorrow. This is where I'm torn. I love my friend, I want them to be happy, I want them to have a family. But I want to have a family first, damnit. I am meant to be pregnant before her (which I was), but I'm also meant to have a child before her. I'm the person that inspired her to have kids at this time. Ugh. This is my luck. In all truth, I hope that she IS pregnant, but that I am pregnant too. That way, we can share the experience together. Of course, I don't plan to tell anyone that I were pregnant (that is if I'm pregnant) until it's so blatently obvious that there's no denying it. Just to be on the safe side.

I made an OB appointment. I was due for papsmear in June and was hoping to hold off and just get the prenatal/pap done at one time. But I would need to be pregnant to do that (and I am not just yet), so I gave in and made the appointment. I decided to stick with the same docs who delivered Isaac.
Cons to staying with the same docs: they are an hour away, it is a learning hospital and people younger than me could potentially deliver my baby.
Pros: They are a high risk doctor group, they have a neonatal ICU (if needed), they have a Level II US and aren't afraid to use it, they followed up after I delivered the baby (my regular OB did NOT), I love the attending physicians in the group, I like one of the residents (the woman who actually was paying attention when Isaac arrived), they are at one of the top 5 hospitals in the nation. I think I made the right choice, I actually tried to make a doctors appointment with a different doc (who would be closer). Like three different things went wrong when I was making the appointment - it was with the man doc and I wanted the woman doc, their office had moved and the written directions weren't on line, then the doc that I made the appointment with had to cancel and I was going to see a different man doctor. I took it as a sign from God, I was to follow my gut and make the appointment with the doc at UVA. So, I did and I feel so much better about it now.
I also made an appointment with my endocrinologist for September. I figure that if I'm not pregnant by my OB appointment in August, I'll try to talk to them about help getting pg. If they turn me down, I'll try to hit up my endo in September for help.

4 comments:

Kate said...

Ugh... hearing a good friend is pregnant is bittersweet. I hope for her she is pregnant. I hope you're pregnant. And if not, I hope you can feel at peace. I'm thinking of you.

Anna said...

Oh, Holly...I know how badly you want to be pregnant again. Part of me feels bad that I got pregnant again when so many wonderful women are still TTC...I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

Jillian said...

It has been YEARS since O meant anything but laying and egg...LOL.

I gotta get a new obsession!

Amanda said...

Hi Holly, just wanted to say hello and I'm thinking of you. I hope you don't need those appts later this summer anyway! Hugs to you.