It's thundering outside - have you ever heard that about thunder? I can't help but think that Isaac is up in heaven having the time of his life. Surely, he's bowling and I hope he got his father's ability. I suck at bowling, but love to do it. DH and I both love to go bowling and just chill out. No, we are not the friday night league types of people. Just every now and again for fun. Anyway, I hope that Isaac is having fun. This brings a smile to my face. Also, the tree that we planted for Isaac on his EDD has one branch that is growing downward. The entire rest of the tree's branches are facing up. I think this is Isaac misbehaving. It sounds silly, I know. But throw me a bone here. I'm trying to be lighthearted.
My friend had her baby, it's a boy. She had him yesterday. I'm happy for them. But this has led to deep discussions with my other friend (who is a mutual friend between the new parents and my DH and I) about our whole ordeal in January. She said that she and also my friend who just had her baby had no idea what to say to me. It sort of freaked them out, my pg friend even felt guilty for being pregnant. This all dissapoints me. Now I feel like a leper - freak - whatever you want to say. I really thought my pg friend was being supportive and I was actually thankful that she was being such a supportive friend. Now I know that she was freaked out the whole time. Likely, she was just pretending to be a good friend the whole time. I don't know. I mean, I did know that most people were freaked out and didn't know what to say. But I confided in this friend, talked about the nitty gritty details with her. Somehow, now I feel betrayed or something. Clearly, they have all been discussing the fact that they didn't know what to say. I just feel like it's all been a show for us. Ugh. It just makes me wish that we had never gone through this. Some people were so amazing. I guess now I will know how to act when a friend has something difficult in their lives. I will always treat them with sincerity.
On the TTC front, I have no idea what is going on. We'll know more tomorrow morning after I temp. I think that I O'd yesterday, although FF gave me an O date of Friday. If I did O yesterday, that means it was CD 19. WTF? Last month it was CD 10. I guess that's a question for the doc. I just hope it doesn't affect the chances of our getting pg. At any rate, I think we timed everything well. We've been like bunnies the past few weeks.
Alright, I'm out. I have to go to history class.
5 comments:
you know, if some people were amazing to you, then they were amazing. when you think about it, if they were freaking out on the inside and were STILL able to be amazing, then how much must they care about you? (answer: very much)
Loved Laura's Answer here Holly. She has a point. At least your friends still cared enough to make an effort, instead of running like hell (which would have been the easiest solution for someone that was freaked out.) It all sucks, and I just hate that any of have to question or reevaluate old friendships.
I think it's good to talk about these things with your friends. And I feel like if they were supportive when you most needed support, then that is still something to be grateful for. No matter how freaked out they may have been feeling on the inside.
And although I know it's uncomfortable to realize that they talked about it between the two of them, I think it shows that they both cared very much about what you were going through and wanted to figure out how best to support you.
It may be that they don't realize how hard it still is for you now, otherwise I am not sure why they would be bringing this up. I think it would be okay to tell them that it still hurts and you are still very sad. They may not realize how present Isaac still is to you.
I am thinking of you.
I, too, am sure I freak people out. Sometimes I wonder if my friends with new babies avoid me after having them because they are afraid how it will make me feel - or if it's because I'm a reminder of when bad things happen. Selfish, I know, but I still wonder.
I agree with Laura - she's got a great point and has reminded me of something very, very true.
Hope the 2ww goes FAST for you!
Holly,
I responded to you on my blog. :( I am SO SORRY if I made you feel like I was judging you. I would have made the same choice as you did. I don't want to get into it here, but please read my response. I am so sorry and would not want to hurt your feelings. :(
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