Dividing Lines

So I've been watching a lot of baby story and birth day at home...now that I'm unemployed apparently I have turned into a couch potato. I personally see it as progress that I can watch these shows. I couldn't watch them for the longest time. But yesterday, I was watching and this woman's story really got to me. I was crying out of nowhere. I guess it was just her emotion at being a mother, something that I have felt in a strange fashion. But it really hit a cord...most of the time it doesn't. Anyway, on another episode, this woman was birthing at a birthing center, rather than a hospital. They were interviewing the director of the birthing center and she kept saying that "Birthing centers are for normal women and normal births". Basically that anyone who has high risk or abnormal history shouldn't birth in a birthing center. Which I knew. But it started me thinking about what that means exactly. It means that we are abnormal. I don't have the option to go try the bradley method at some naturalistic place. Nope, it's me and the high risk docs...having a ball with monitors and such in the hospital...that has a NICU (just in case). It sort of sucks. Not to mention that I've realized that I am the friend with baggage. Any friends that I have currently have had to deal with me and my moods and this whole progression of emotion and grief. That's a lot to ask of a friend. I'm thankful for the ones who have stuck with me. But I wonder if they look on me as the one with baggage? Will I carry the same baggage to any new friendships that I make? Probably. I'm a changed person...my son is part of who I am now. Take it or leave it, I guess.
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On a different note, I've been keeping very busy. I'm driving myself crazy at the lack of access to a computer now that I have quit my job. It's very frustrating to try to work myself into my husband's office to sneak on the computer when he's working out. I have no real control here. We desperately need a computer at home, but of course given the fact that I'm not working we can't afford it. I'm nearly finished with my coursework for student teaching. I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my back and I want to throw a party. (note: see previous comment about having no cash).
I do have some fun events planned for the next few days to keep me busy during the 2WW:

Wednesday - visit to friends house to lay out and play with the dogs while the boys play golf. We will then go out to dinner. It would be way more fun if I could have a cocktail while laying out.
Thursday - Have to go to UVA for OB appointment. Anxiously awaiting this to see what I can swindle her into doing for me.
Friday - Mom coming to visit for lunch and hanging out. Maybe we'll go to the pool if it's hot.
Saturday - friend's wedding (lots of other friends are invited...should be fun!)
Sunday - Concert with one of my favorite live bands Eddie From Ohio.
Monday - FIL comes for a visit the entire week. Probably entails lots of golf and eating out.

Now that you have a rundown of my boring life and an idea of just how lame I am, I need to get off here. I need to get a little work done. I'm sad that summer is ending, it seems like it has whizzed by. It's been a good summer, though. Lots of QT with DH, which has been good for us. Okay, must run.