CD 1

One sign that I'm not pregnant - AF showed her head today. I am very dissapointed. I actually cried last night because I could tell she was coming. I'm trying hard not to be a drama queen about this, because honestly a lot of other people have it much worse out there. I have to realize that this is only our first "official" cycle of trying - so many people try for much longer with the same result. But it doesn't make me any less sad that we weren't successful. I'm not sure what it is, I'm just ready for this now. It's been thirteen weeks since Isaac was born...I'm supposed to be 34 weeks pregnant now. I think that's why I'm obsessed. The facts of what is supposed to be makes me want what could be even more. It was so easy last time, we were so naive. We "tried" and we succeeded...pregnant in our second month of trying. I hope that doesn't spoil it this time if it takes longer. What am I saying, it is already spoiled this time. I am all the wiser to what CAN happen during pregnancy. The bliss has changed.

To add fuel to the fire, I am having terrible cramps today. It's like my uterus is trying to punish me for wanting pregnancy so much. I don't feel much like writing...sort of bummed. I think we'll try something closer to the "Sperm Meets Egg Plan" next time. This is such a funny name - what else would they call it when someone is trying. Obviously the whole goal is to get the little guys up there and have them unite with the egg...duh. I guess the SMEP is just organized sex for those with disorganized lives. Okay, I'm going to go lie in the fetal position in my bed now. I feel like crap.