Bloggy-blah

So I've been taking a break from blogging. I'm not sure why, I've just been very tired and focussed on other things. Also, I've had a lot of time off of work and haven't spent endless hours in front of the computer. The time off is a blessing, I'm feeling much more with it and caught up, if you know what I mean. Lots has been going on...here are some updates.

Disney was fantastic. We had such a great time. Spending a few days at the "happies place on earth" was refreshing. Although it was very crowded - they had a record setting day at the magic Kingdom one day while we were there 78,000. Thankfully we were at Epcot that day. They must not turn people away. Honestly, wouldn't you think there was some sort of max capacity for safety reasons? Apparently not. But Disney did not let me down, the oldies are still good. They have added some new rides and the parks have gotten a new look recently. But I love the place, despite the high prices of stuff. The best part of it all was that I had some time to get away and reflect and sort out some of what is happening in my head. The weekend that we were gone was supposed to be the weekend of my shower back home in Indiana, had Isaac still been with us. It made me sad to think of that, but hopeful for the next baby. In some ways, it made me mad that no one else seemed to notice that fact. It's not like we had some big plans all set when he was born, but I had definately talked about it at length with my friends from home. You know what I dread the most? Mother's day. Sure, I want to honor my mom that day. And if nothing else, the day means a whole lot more to me now. But I am supposed to be having a baby in two months, not trying for the next one right now. Sometimes I forget that and feel less sorry for myself, but sometimes (when I see my pg friends who are due around my EDD or when I sneak over to the "Due In June" boards on the pregnancy side and see the signatures) I realize what is supposed to be happening to me right now and I'm overcome with sadness and sorrow for our angel who we lost. It pisses me off, to be honest. Why does this stuff have to happen to people? I hate it. Sorry for the vent there. On to more happy stuff...

We got a dog. Her name is Trigger (quite possibly the worst name in America, but she had it when we got it and she's four. I dont' want to put her through an identity crisis). She's awesome. She has tons of energy and she's very sweet. No bighting or barking, really. She's past the puppy stage, which is great for us because we aren't home enough to train her. She's very well trained by her previous owner. If I can ever figure out how to post more pictues, I will share. I've been spending lots of down time with her. The cats are insanely jealous and the blending of the family hasn't really been too smooth. I hope it gets better with time because it's stressing me out. I hate it for the cats that they can't roam freely in the house for fear that Trigger will come at them. They just need to get over it and the dog will too. Ugh.

I've worn DH out....seriously. This is the first month of trying since Isaac was born and because my cycles were irregular last month, we've been "trying" every day for a week. I still don't think that I've ovulated (likely today), but I'm not sure that DH has anything left in him. I think he's sort of embarrassed about it. I just hope that we don't miss our window. It's all a mystery to me how spermies can live inside me for some time and fertilize miss egg when she releases. I'm just hoping the ones on post do their job because I'm not sure there are going to be any other spermies coming that way today!! I'm approaching obsession about TTC and am so ready to be pregnant again. I know that brings a whole new set of worries, but I really need this right now. I was secretly hoping I was pg last month when we weren't trying. But now I am psychologically and even physically ready. It seems that my thyroid is back in regular swing, so the temps have been better. I have tons of EWCM today, which is a great sign. I just hope that the little guys are making their way north and are successful. I can't imagine not getting pregnant right away. We didn't have to try too hard last time we got pg, I just hope for a different outcome (obviously) this time. Can sperm really live inside for a few days? Maybe we'll have a girl this time, they say they are slow swimmers. Why do they say that about girl sperm? Is that why we are slower all around (sports wise) because we've been that way since before conception? Weird.

I've been thinking a lot about the last time we went through everything with Isaac and what we will do this pregnancy? Will we stay with the same docs? You know what angers me about the old docs is that they never called me afterward. No "I'm sorry about the loss" or "just wanted to check how you are feeling" or "if there's anything we can do to help". nothing. Even my PCP (who I hate and have had tons of problems with when dealing with my thyroid) called me to touch base and say that she was sorry. I know if came across the OB's desk, right? They didn't deliver Isaac, because I had to go to the high risk guys at UVA. But still, they've been my OB's for the last 7 years. You would think they could give a courtesy call. That is the #1 reason that I don't want to go back to them. The high risk guys say that they can work something out so that I see each set of docs every other time, but it's my choice entirely. I don't know if I want to return to my original docs. The hospital here has a great birthing ward and for practical reasons, I'd like to deliver here. Obviously, driving an hour over the mountain to the new docs in the middle of winter could prove to be both impractical and dangerous. And having my house closeby during delivery for my family to crash, camp out (they rented a hotel for Isaac's birth) and watch my animals would be nice. But honestly, I'm pretty upset at the old docs for not being more responsive to my situation. I haven't seen them since the day that I found out about the positive quad screen test. Apparently they are so overloaded with patients that they can't even reach out for the patients they have who suffer something as traumatic as I did. There are no other doc options here in my small town (which sucks). So it's likely either the old docs or the high risk guys. I wish that the high risk docs could come here to deliver!

So that is the latest in the trials and tribulations of my pathetic life. Welcome back to me....it feels good to post!