We had a birthday party last night for my step-dad. My husband and I hosted the party. All was well, I was eating cake and ice cream and enjoying the conversation when the phone rang. It was two of my close friends who were calling to check up on me. They haven't talked to me since two weeks after delivery. Great, I'm happy that I have good friends who call to check. It really was nice of them. But of course, I had to leave the room and talk about the one thing that I was trying to put at the back of my mind. It never fails. I just can't escape it. I held up well. Actually when I answered the phone I was quite cheery. When my friend said they were calling to see how I was doing, I had to remember that I was supposed to be sad. I HAD managed to put our misfortunes at the back of my mind for a few minutes. Then I felt guilty because I wasn't sad. It's just a vicious cycle that I can't seem to shake.
DH and I bought condoms today. It seems funny to have to use them...we want a baby so badly. But I don't think that we want to get preggars before we are supposed to. Then that could mean bad things for the next baby. I do think it's progress that I am thinking about it. In some ways, I'm sort of excited to try again. I have been temping regularly - it's a start. As for DH, he can't wait to break open the package! This recovery has been so different for both of us.
1 comment:
It's such an emotional rollercoaster we're on. Happy, sad, guilty...repeat. I think we shouldn't feel guilty for being happy. It's hard to think that but we have to get things together and start to move forward.
I also found it funny when we had to buy condoms. After you get married, you don't think you'll need those things ever again - it's kind of ironic.
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