The grim reaper

The thing is that I'm afraid of death. I've come to realize this over the past few weeks. Any time that there is a deer on the side of the road or even worse, a cat dead in the road, I am horrified. It just makes me so sad that things have to die. I know that is the way of life and that if everything always lived, the world would be a very crowded place. But that doesn't make me love living things any less or make it any easier to accept the loss of a life. Maybe God made all that has happened to me happen for that reason. I have no choice, but to accept Isaac's death. There is no way around it. It is something that is happening to me, I can't distract myself into thinking that it didn't happen. I can't ignore my feelings or the feelings of those around me. I've been trying to distract myself into believing that the calf didn't die. I try to put it to the back of my mind, but when I drive by and see that lonely mama standing watch for her lost baby I am reminded of the truth. That's not an option for me and my own horrifying life. God, I miss Isaac.

DH and I have made some serious progress. Completely unrelated to Isaac, DH drinks beer every sunday. This pisses me off to no end. He did it long before he met me, and he has done it often since he met me. I'm not talking a few beers here, I'm talking a twelve pack. I don't think he has a drinking problem because he doesn't drink any other day of the week. And sometimes on sundays, he doesn't drink at all. The problem is that he drinks and that I don't like it. Every week, I bite my tongue and hold my anger. Well, this time I let it go. I am to the end of my rope. I wrote DH a letter explaining my feelings. I feel like he drinks because he is unhappy or that he needs to escape the life we are living. I've made excuses for him for the past few years. But after talking to him about it, I realize that he had no idea that I felt this way. Nor had he ever stopped to think about what I thought about it. He is going to meet me in the middle. This makes me happy...I feel a small victory here. I don't like to tell him what to do, but he doesn't want to drink beer on sunday if that doesn't make me happy. Whew. Let's just see if he follows through.