The whirlwind that is my life right now...

While I have to say that I think I'm finally over the pregnancy poo...I now have a sinus infection and a deep chest cold. Wonderful. Needless to say, running to the computer has been the least of my worries this week. sorry to leave you hanging. This new illness is in addition to having the stomach flew on Sunday/Monday of this week. What the hell...I had a flu shot. Where is this coming from? I can only hope that the baby is alright in there, just along for the ride and hopefully not noticing that it's mother wishes she could go to bed for the next two weeks and never get out. Because I've been sick, I had to go to the pharmacy to get meds. Of course, I was worried about taking anything that would harm the baby. I made mention of last time I was pregnant I took this...eventually this led to chit chat with the pharmacist of "how old is your other child?" For the first time in a while, I had to break the news to someone "he died". It was weird. it's like you're making forward progress and then something makes you stop in your tracks. Now I can't stop thinking about Isaac....and how guilty I feel that we're having another baby. I had a dream last night that this baby was a boy and I was so dissapointed. I'm not sure, I just feel like Isaac is my little boy. It seems weird to think there might be another one.

Anyway, I'm still under the weather so I'm going to go. Just wanted to share my ramblings.

Poooo

Okay, I"m going to complain here. I feel like poo every day and I'm tired of it. I know I should just grin and bear it, but I'm just tired of never feeling well. I haven't vomited, so I can't really complain (as I know some of you can't keep anything down). But I never feel good....I'm almost 14 weeks here, is there an end in sight? Ugh. I gotta go.

Tiny Dancer

Not to worry....all is well with the little one. I just haven't had a chance to sit down at the computer - you guys are awesome for your support. I say one because we didn't find out the sex. Tech said she wouldn't even attempt to guess this early. I measured 13W3D on Tuesday and I was actually 12 W 4D. The doc says that big is good. The measurements they were taking (neuchal translucency fold) all seemed to be in normal limits. We will find out the final results in a few weeks. But that little bug was just a dancing in there. It was so cute. It wouldn't turn around, so we spent almost the entire ultrasound looking at a silhouette of it's backside. We did get one profile shot and things seemed to look good. She said it was too early to look at the brain or other organs. Heart rate was 156. I'll take it, I'm just so happy that it seemed to go well. My next US is not until 20 weeks - December 1. Ugh. That seems like forever, but I"m just going to ride this high out a little longer. Thanks for all of your concerns!

T minus 39 hours and counting

My next ultrasound is on Tuesday morning...I am a nervous wreck. I just want everything to be alright. I mean, I still feel pretty pregnant. You know, big boobs, nauseous, belly getting bigger. But there really is no way to know for sure...it could all be in my head. Not to mention, that I could still be pregnant and something could be really wrong with our baby. Okay, let's be honest. This could be a textbook pregnancy, I make it to D-day and something can still go wrong. The reality of that is just really heavy to face. I'm trying to focus on the good things and hope for the best. Do you think that assuming everything is alright, that they'll be able to tell the sex at 12 w 5 d? I'm seriously doubting it, but I'm hopeful. I've finally talked Bryan into finding out. Now I just want to be assured that everything is alright and what the sex of this child is.

Let's see what else...I've still been feeling pretty pukey. It never fails, I manage to fill myself up with complete crap all day long and then pay for it around bedtime. Take today, for example. I walk into this office to get onto the computer and the candy gods have placed a tub of all of my halloween favorites out. No one is around...I can't help but raid the candy. I have eaten two tootsie rolls (one cherry flavored) and two mini boxes of DOTS. Mmmmm....now I'll feel like crap tonight at about 9pm. Without fail, this happens to me every day in some fashion or another. if only I could make good choices about what I eat...every day...at every meal. That's really a lot to ask. I'm trying to do the best that I can.

My boobs are still huge and tender. My belly is starting to make my bikini underwear roll down. that drives me crazy. Nothing makes me feel more like a whale than when my freaking underwear won't stay up because my fat roll is pushing them down. Ugh.

I swam for an hour today. It felt great. I'm going to try to do this again a few more times this week.

That's all for now. I need a new look for this blog. I"m not sure how that works, though. Do I have to cut and paste my entire blogroll? Ugh.

Where the reality of it all just smacks you in the face..

I am so sad, I have been taking a break from blogging because I have no computer and I've been so busy...only to return and find out that Laura and Justin have lost the tadpole. I don't know, it all just seems so much more real now. I've been allowing myself to visit my personal lala land, where I pretend that all is well and we might actually have this baby. But you know, you just never know. How much more is going to be thrown their way, it's just not fair. I'm so sorry for them and their loss.