I'm not sure what the purpose of this is, but everyone seems to come to the general consensus that you get two weeks to deal with all of this. Note, it's been three and I'm still not over it. I don't know if it's because I'm back at work and generally going through the motions of life, or what. But people seem to brush the loss of our child off like it's no biggie. Wrong. It's like I have a two week window to get over it. That two weeks are up now, move on... no, I don't think so. I think it's so disturbing.
Speaking of time, I've realized that if I do get pregnant again when we start trying in April, I will have spent the majority of the last year and a half as a pregnant woman. That's enough to get on anyone's nerves. At what point do you put life on hold in order to have a child? I guess at this point, we are. Ugh.
I had the weirdest dream last night. It was so real and vivid. It was a sexual dream about someone who I know that is ten years younger. It was VERY sexual and VERY good. If I knew that I could go back to that dream every night and feel that satisfied, that wouldn't be bad. But the worst thing is, I woke up and even in the dream felt SO, SO, SO guilty because my husband was right there. In the dream I didn't stay in our bed, I stayed in the other guy's bed until 6:50am. At that point, I snuck back into our bed and tried to lie about it. The guilt! I dreamt about another man (who by the way, I am completely not attracted to) while sleeping in the same bed as my husband. How bad is that??
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I think it's interesting that you talked about putting your life on hold to have a child. I'm pretty sure that I said the exact same thing about how freaking long this entire process is going to take--assuming that all actually goes well next time. It is strange, isn't it? I thought that I was going to have a child and everything was going to be great and then it's like I was thrust into hell and suddenly my entire life became irrelevant because I could not have this one thing. It's very very strange.
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