I'm not sure what it is, maybe I'm just irritable. But my friend just emailed me one of those stupid surveys. What's your shoe size, what's your favorite color, are you a summer or winter person...who the hell cares? She sends it to me like la de dah...nothing going on in her world. She'd love to fill out this stupid survey and send it back. I'm sort of offended by her sending it to me right now. Does she think I'm over it? Do I feel guilty for enjoying myself to read her answers and taking my time to respond? Maybe...but mostly it makes me mad.
I'm having a hard time with my weight. I only gained about nine pounds with pregnancy, which is fine. I've lost that nine pounds. But I let my weight slip slowly up the scale during the two months prior in preparation for pregnancy. now I need to lose it all, just to gain it back with the next one? I know that would be the best thing to do, lose it all and then start over. I'm a personal trainer, shame on me for ever letting it attach itself to my derrier. But after I finished my triathlon last summer, I couldn't force myself to run, bike or swim for a long time. It was agony. So now here I am, tubby as a whale and needing to lose about 15 pounds. Let me tell you how much fun that is. I'm starving. Luckily, while I'm trying to keep myself busy and preoccupied so that I don't think about our son, I can also preoccupy myself so that I don't think about food. At least I can kill two birds with one stone.
I've been doing a lot of thinking, I mentioned I'm reading the miscarriage book. I can't imagine that after all that we've been through that I could be pro-choice. I always used to say that I was pro-choice, but I couldn't make that choice. For myself, I am pro-life. Yet, I was forced to make the heartbreaking choice to induce my labor at 21 weeks. Does that make me guilty of abortion or some form of it? I think not. We made the decisions that we did for the future of my health and the dooming health of our unborn child. But I don't think that I could support a friend who did decide to have an abortion for an unplanned or unwanted child. That baby is a life from the point of conception. I'll feel that way forever.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I think it's Empty Cradle, Empty Arms that talks about the choices between terrible and horrible. What choice did you really have? You had a decision to make between terrible and horrible. And you were making a decision under terrible emotional stress. You can't beat yourself up over that choice. You made the best choice that you could make given the circumstances.
I am also pro-choice, and this has only strengthened my beliefs. Because the world is a really complicated place. It's not just irresponsible 16 year olds who need abortions. It's women with medical problems...it's women in awful situations I probably can't even begin to imagine and don't want to.
Vixanne -
Did you like the book Empty Cradle, Empty Arms. I thought about getting that one, but didn't.
I agree about the choice we have. I just know that I could never take that choice.
I found it helpful. I have also read Pregnancy After a Loss and Trying Again. I also have Silent Sorrow and there is another book that I haven't read called Unspeakable Losses that my therapist recommended. I haven't read that one because I have been feeling less miserable and I didn't want to bring up bad feelings again. I just checked them all out of the library, but I might end up buying a copy of Pregnancy After a Loss for the next pregnancy.
Have you found any support groups in your area? I went to my first meeting here the other night. It was very helpful to talk with other women face to face who have been through this. If you aren't sure if there are any, you could check with your doctor or the labor and delivery ward at your hospital.
Post a Comment