Nosedive

I hate my body. This sucks. I have no better way to put it. Temps took a nosedive this morning, so I'm sure AF is on her way. Damn, damn, damn. I'm so mad right now and I don't have anyone to blame but my stupid body. Ugh. Sometimes I think it's frustrating that we got pregnant on our second month of trying last time. It's making this time even more difficult. Now I'm afraid that my friend who just decided to start trying is going to beat me to getting pg. That would really suck.

DH had his 10 year college reunion this weekend. He went to school at the college where we both work. It was very fun and now I'm exhausted. I will say that I came face to face with a four month old baby. She is the daughter of our good friends. I thought I might get through the weekend without having to hold her. But just like that, the mom says 'do you want to hold her'? While passing her over the table. What was I supposed to do? It would have been very awkward to pass while the baby was hovering over the table, awaiting my arms. It wasn't as bad as I thought, actually it made me ache for Isaac. And also to ache for the one we are trying to conceive. I'm so ready for this. The question of the weekend was 'So, when are you all going to start trying for a family'. Been there, done that, thank you. My favorite was when a complete stranger outlined the highlights of the first and second trimester of pregnancy. You know, really tired the first and then a burst of energy with the second. Thanks for that, I'm quite familiar with those stages. I can't say anything, really. She is eight weeks pregnant and has no idea about our loss. I just smiled nicely and nodded my head.

Overall, it was a great weekend. I got to see a ton of old friends and had a great time. Now in hindsight, I wish that the nosedive temps and AF had shown up on Friday, so that I could have drank away my sorrow. If I would have been pregnant, it all would have been worth it. Instead, I got to be sober driver all weekend. At least it was a good excuse to tell all the people who were asking why I wasn't drinking. The truth, of course, was that I was hoping to be pregnant. On a funny note, I saw a guy this weekend who I used to have the biggest crush on. I think I still do. My heart did a flutter when I saw him. He is gorgeous. Thank god he lives in Portland - I forgot he existed.