I have been so blah, I haven't even posted. I'm not sure what the dilly is, I think I'm down in the dumps about no pg. I honestly think that there is something wrong with my LP. I have had several others remark on the state of affairs of my menstrual cycle. Finally, I have woke up to smell the coffee. I'm not sure if my LP is long enough to support a baby...maybe that's why we haven't gotten pg. Anyway, I have been emailing my endo, begging for help. She turned me away to her partner - thanks a lot by the way. She is the one doc who I thought I could count on. So much for that. I have been on the phone trying to get an appt. - August 26. I'm actually surprised that I got one so soon. I hope to be pg by then, anyway. Let's see what I can do in the next few months. I don't know, I just feel so frustrated by the whole medical system. The thing is that I live in a really small town. The nearest doc of any sort is an hour away. The best sets of docs are at one of the major hospitals in the state (an hour away - where I delivered Isaac). It takes forever to get things done there. I just feel like I'm on a schedule, we have already wasted the last four months by not getting pregnant. We have made so many changes in our lives - I quit my job, went back to school, changed careers...all for the family we were supposed to have had by now. It all feels like a bust. If we aren't pregnant soon and don't have a baby by next spring/early summer, that will make me out of the work force for part of next school year too. Who will hire me as a teacher if I'm going to be delivering a baby or on maternity leave at the beginning of the year. It's all just so messed up. I was supposed to have had a baby in June of this summer, I'm supposed to be on maternity leave now. I wasn't supposed to student teach until the spring, leaving me all the time in the fall to be with my baby boy. Out the window, forget it, done. No baby, now no job, no real plan. We may not even be pregnant by then. Sheez, I feel like a failure. And being passed from doc to doc is not helping the matter. I don't know, I guess I just need to vent. I just wish that I could order the tests that I need and prescribe myself the meds that I need to get straightened out. Sometimes I feel too educated about this stuff for my own good. Ugh.
On a lighter note, I have had my nine year old nephew visiting this whole week. It's been a fun distraction, and I've gotten lots of pool time. It's nice to have visitors...makes the time go faster.
6 comments:
I heard a good line in a song the other day..."If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans." He must've been laughing his butt off with me. Well, I've got a new attitude and a new outlook...no more planning and no more worrying. There are women much worse off than us who manage to make it work. Sure, it might not end up being the perfect life we imagined for ourselves...but if you end up with that baby, I bet the rest can be crap and you simply won't care.
Good luck getting in to see a doctor. I've found that doctors in this particular field have absolutely NO sense of compassion. And the hard-a$$es they employ to answer the telephone are even worse.
Holly-
Push the doctors. Seriouosly. Be the squeaky wheel. If they won't help then find someone who will and don't waste anymore time. I hope you get what you want on Aug 26.
Hugs,
M
Oh Holly. I'm sorry you're having a blah time right now. It's hard. Dh and I were talking last night about our plans - and what we changed last year for our baby that should be here now. It sucks, really.
I agree with MB though, harass the doctors to get what you want. I've gone from trying not to be a pain to not caring.
Here's hoping your pg by your appt anyway!
i think you have a great untapped resource here - your frustration. frustration takes so much energy; if you could channel your frustration into tormenting the doctors and their staffs, i think you would see action.
i sometimes complain to my mom, who's on the business side of the medical field, about how nasty and aggressive i have to be sometimes to get a little healthcare, and surprisingly she is the first person to agree that one must be very, very pushy to get anything done.
if you have anyone who has any pull - your ob, or your primary, for example - who can advocate for you, i hope you won't hesitate to ask for their help.
give'em hell, holly!
Did you call Dr. E or did you get an appointment with somebody else? I swear your cycles look just like mine did!
Sorry you're so frustrated...I feel ya. I'm thinking of you and hoping you get GREAT news at the doctor!
P.S. - I emailed you about the teacher stuff! :)
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