Summer Solstice

That would be today, the longest day of the year - which it may have been, next to the day that I delivered Isaac. I started the day this morning at 8, I came into my office to find that the laptop that I had borrowed last week had been stolen. Note: I came into the office early so that I could get some school work done (I'm taking a world history class this summer). Obviously that didn't happen, I proceeded to try to track down all the clues that I could muster until 10am. I had the end of employment meeting with the personnel office here at work, and the reality that I am leaving this place in 10 days officially smacked me in the face. When I returned to my office, I continued to try to find the fucking computer. Why is it that there are thieves in the world? I promise you that the computer meant way more to me (as it is not mine and I now need to return it to it's owner) than it does to them. Fuck. I sprinted home for lunch, walked the dogs and then went to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Great day so far, right? Got home from the dentist - I hate that feeling in your mouth when it's numb - and cranked out the paper on the French Revolution for class that I was supposed to do this morning. Now, I'm sitting here and waiting for my crappy class to start. Four hours of the sheer bliss of World History over the internet - toot my horn. That's the greatest way that I can think of to finish the longest day of the year.

So, vacation was nice. We trekked all over the state of Indiana visiting friends and family. I'm always so glad that we make the effort, it's just hard to muster the energy at the end of the week. Visits make me thankful that I have such great friends. It also makes me wish that I lived closer to those great friends. It was a difficult week, as this is the first time that I have seen most of them since we lost Isaac. I felt like I was a specimen that they were observing in some screwed up science project. Two of my friends even had the gall to ask me about how everything with "baby stuff" was going. Fucking great, he's dead. How do you think it's going? The truth is that they expect everything to blow over like a bad storm. I'm right in the fucking middle of it, getting drenched right now. Overall, I put on my happy face and was blatently honest with most of them. Usually that makes them uncomfortable and then sorry that they even asked. Good.

We have gotten through the major milestones that I can think of - mother's day, due date, father's day.... Now I am just ready to get pregnant. I'm pissed off at my body right now, what does it take to get pregnant? Of course, my ovulation date has ranged anywhere from CD 10 to CD 18. That boils down to a lot of screwing this month, as we would like to time things accordingly so that we get pregnant. I keep having these weird thoughts and feelings - "what if I am pregnant, but my body is just acting screwy". Wishful thinking, I know. Nevermind the excessive bleeding, cramping, temp drop, etc. I just want this now, not being very good at being patient. I've decided to turn my energy toward losing weight, then maybe I'll just happen to get pregnant on the side. Again, I'm wishing. But I'm also trying to watch what I'm eating and also getting good exercise. Now we'll play the waiting game once again...