Five months since I delivered my son. I never thought I would make it to this point, let alone be trying for my next child. My, how far I have come. Sure, I'm still very caught up in thoughts of Isaac. But for the most part, I would say that I have come a long way in five months. It's intersting, I'm taking a teaching class at a college here. For our assignment today, I had to bring a "me bag". Basically....a bag full of stuff that tell all about you. I brought pictures of Bryan and I, my mom and I, pictures of me when I've been sky diving, bungie jumping, rock climbing and scuba diving. Stuff from when I was a little kid, stuff from college, my knitting needles, my triathlon numbers...but somehow sharing the fact that I also had a son who I had lost in January seemed too personal. Of course, what I really wanted to say is that the memory of him consumes me. That should have been all that I put into my "me bag". But I didn't even mention his name. To these people, I have no children. It's weird. I feel sort of guilty for not mentioning him or bringing pictures, but that's a lot to unload on a group of complete strangers.
Once again, my body is throwing me for a loop. It's CD 13 and no signs of O thus far. Not much EWCM, no temp rises, the OPK is still negative. I've been testing since CD 8 because my cycles are so irregular. We may never conceive another child at this rate.
I'll be in and out this week because of the class. I'll touch base when I can.
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7 comments:
Oh Holly, what an awkward situation. I probably would have done the same thing. I'm pulling for you this month. I hope it's all yours! M
That had to be so hard for you, to "ignore" such a huge part of your life...but you're right - its so deeply personal and sharing that with strangers is totally up to you. It had to be such a hard day...I'm thinking of you and praying for you! Rooting for you this month!
If it had been a psychology class, I would say you should have shared. But for a teaching class, I think you were probably right not to include your son. Not that what I think means a whole hill of beans.
Good luck to you on figuring out your cycle and TTC.
Holly, Holly, Holly. Sometimes I read your journal then my own and think we're on the same exact path. I, too, feel like getting pregnant is so hard, after such an easy time last time. And the months that pass by are markers of where I want to be and where I am. I'm so hoping this month is IT for you, that you'll get that BFP. Hugs.
Wow, how difficult that situation must have been.It's been 16 months for me and I am STILL consumed with thoughts of my dead son. If I had a "me bag" it would occupy at least 80% of it, probably more! Like you though, I probably couldn't have shared that with a group of complete strangers. LOL
I think I would have done the same as you given the situation. Not everyone needs to know everything and you are protecting him from being misunderstood.
Hope that egg pops soon too, best of luck on nailing it:)
5 months already? I can't believe it's been so long.
I don't blame you for not sharing- it's something so personal, and something still so painful- how could strangers even begin to understand?
I hope you have a good week. I'm thinking of you, and hoping this is your month. Have a happy and safe 4th of July weekend!
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